Background story
8:20 p.m. - 2005-08-15
I have worried about and struggled with my weight for basically as long as I can remember. My mom's family has a history of obesity and I grew up always hearing that I was fat and ugly and no one would like me. I guess it was their way of trying to save me from ending up like them, but all it did was make me convinced that I was worthless. I have always been a little chubby but never as much as I thought. My self-image was horrible for years. It has gotten a bit better, partially thanks to my wonderful boyfriend. But for me, working on my self image and self esteem is just as important (and hard!) as trying to lose the weight. A year ago I was slightly overweight but basically fit and felt okay about myself, at least most of the time. Then I switched from an active job to a desk job, and have since gained about twenty pounds. I have recently been realizing that it's not just about how I look--even this much overweight I am more at risk for diabetes, etc. So I decided it is time to change. Oh, one other note: in the past few years, I have come very close to eating disorders a few times. Luckily, with the support of my boyfriend, I have stopped before it went too far. But that experience and tendency now informs how I think about weight loss. That is one of the reasons I don't use a "system"--it's too easy to think that if 20 points is good, 18 is better, etc. (I know that's not what WW says but that's how it comes out in my head.) That is why I am concentrating on healthy food and exercising instead of restricting foods.
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